These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All the doctor said was why
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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