I CAN MOONWALK!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
