i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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