He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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