a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
