12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
