I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
