I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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