he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
