It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
