Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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