youre lurking in front of me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
