guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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