Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
