I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
