Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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