I'm gonna have a badass scar
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
