after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
