I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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