How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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