He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
