i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
