i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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