yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My penis needs a shock collar
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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