True but thats because hes a fetus.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize