I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
