I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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