I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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