I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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