When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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