I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
