I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
