I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
