every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
God I need to hump something, right now.
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