my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
