and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
