We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
