So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize