i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
