i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
