lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
