If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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