Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
