One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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