Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
