First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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