There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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