It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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