you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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