I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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