I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
