I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
