A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
