i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
