DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i think my cat just said my name.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
