I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
