that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I use my feet as sexual weapons
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
