so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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