I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
