He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
