the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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