Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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