By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
