Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
