omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
