There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
