I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i now understand why vodka
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
