i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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