Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
