Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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