i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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