I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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