Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
