im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
